I do not want to blame you. I fell hopelessly, desperately in love and that was not your fault. Our summer was smiles and laughter and sleepy morning *** and cuddles at 2AM. How could I not love you? All was golden in your presence and nothing hurt. The demons of yesterday were banished by the warmth of your adoration, and I slowly forgot the sorrow growing around my heart like a sickness.
I do not blame you. But no one taught me the difference between love and dependence. No one taught me that I could love you and still say no. I let you tie me down, hold me, Hurt me, because I was terrified to lose you.
I know I shouldn't blame you. But I still flinch at unknown hands, still pull away when I feel threatened, and I feel threatened more than ever. Anxiety claws my throat, hands shake, vision blurs, His eyes are your eyes are his eyes and I can still hear your voice. "Kneel ****" I don't know how I stand up now.