She says the best thing I can do is have a
Safe space
A place that is just my own, a
Slot in the world where I fit
Safe and cozy like my favorite book,
Reading it until it fell apart.
The best part of the story was when he (all the characters always the same)
Doesn't give up and finds his forever friends, forever home.
I always wanted a forever home,
A place to be me.
The old She said the best thing I can do is
Stop the negative thought cycle.
Okay, let me flip that switch to off,
You know, I don't pay you to state
The obvious, or tell me impossible things.
I left Her.
The new She says to
Have a plan. Hard to do when your life
Is hurtling in 12 thousand directions,
Brains plastered against skulls and walls from the velocity,
Gasping for breath, panic attacks,
Need sleep, need food, neither look good -
But I digress. She says to stop making excuses
And to stop apologizing,
As if I could not express my sympathy to those
Who have to deal with it.
I'm sorry- sorry - not sorry.
And yet...
Some mornings I wake up and it feels so
Good
To not be who I have become.
I, like a miser, hoard the moments that don't
Hurt so much,
Moments of him, moments of me.
Strange, isn't it?
It aches deep down to be me, but I wouldn't
Be anyone else in the universe
I guess that's just life...
She smiles when I tell Her I'm doing okay
It scares me, like She sees that I'm actually
Drowning
In sorrow, in between my breaths
She says to take lots of walks, and I agree,
For once liking the cold bite of November on my face.
My birthday month is awfully dreary, but She seems
To like this time of year,
She says it is good for cleansing the soul,
Not sure I believe Her
She says to trust Her
Not sure I believe Her....