I stand in front of my family
And feel like I'm in front of a large crowd
I'm glad that I don't need to do an extemporaneous speech
A pretentious smile is enough for them
Because the thoughts in my head are in a tumult
There's also a certain heavy feeling in my chest
I couldn't quite describe even if I tried and it just won't leave
Now it's pulling my tongue back and I can't speak

On our usually empty table lies food aplenty
Nothing special, nothing grand
It's just the same every year
I stare at the banquet offered in front of me
And my system screams of starvation
However, I do not exactly know what I'm craving
I fill my mouth, taste every dish
But I know the fullness of my stomach would not suffice

My mother serves me a plate of pasta
She wears this proud grin and it's the widest she can muster
I twirl my fork and watch in awe
The pasta resembles how my insides twist at this very moment
And the other moments when I'm asked what's wrong
Or when I'm asked why I act like I do
I absentmindedly shove it all in my mouth
Because sometimes silence is the best answer I could give
And mother said it's rude to speak when your mouth is full

I pour myself a glass of iced tea
And I struggle as I do so for my hands are quivering
I congratulate myself for not spilling it, for not making a mess
Maybe I should congratulate myself too and pat my back
For I've been subduing my tears well, not letting them spill
The barriers on my eyelids are crumbling though
So I'll take another drink and blink for them to be reconstructed

To them it's a blissful celebration
But I'm about to faint from suffocation
Questions have grown hands and I feel its roughness on my neck
Inquisitive stares turned to chains which now constrict my chest
Again I wish to lie on my bed and sleep
But it's time for celebration, or so my mother told me