i try to convince myself that you just need time alone to figure who you are, what you want, where you're going and that you will come back. i know i'm a fool for believing that and i hate myself for giving my heart false hope.

my phone buzzes and my heart skips a beat, my eyes turn to saucers, but it's not you. my breath hitches and my eyes well.

friend : "are you okay today?"
me : "i'm fine, thanks."

i stare at the door you would knock on, letting yourself in gracefully after practice, after school, after work. i wait all day but you never show up. i shake my head and move back to the couch and wrap myself up in a blanket for another hour of crying.

i wander down the halls to class and i hold my breath in hopes i will get a glimpse of you. and yet i try to force myself to look down, i don't want to scare you off, you're already so timid. i never see you.

i lay in bed looking at the ceiling waiting for the medicine to kick in to help me sleep because my mind is filled with you you you. i can't sleep. i repeat over and over, "he doesn't love me anymore. he doesn't love me anymore." but i'm still hopeful he does.

i still remember when you first said i love you in the back seat of my moms car while i was singing terribly to my favorite song that week. i was so taken aback and filled to the brim with pure joy that i made you repeat it three more times. my face was red and my hands shook nervously. i whispered i love you too and slid my hand over yours and squeezed tightly.

i still love you as much as i did when you first stole my heart. and you gave my heart back gently and in my hands it turned to dust. i miss you, i do, and i wish you loved me too.