I spent countless hours in a field picking petals off of dead flowers (what a metaphor for our relationship)

saying with each petal squeezed tight between my fingertips
he loves me, he loves me,
he loves me.

you loved me not.

you are more toxic than carbon monoxide and I made a home out of you (I guess you were a car left on in a closed garage)

you were a death wish,
and I knew every time I went back to you it would be the same as last time

so why did I do it?

I fell in love with the musician that wrote a song about my eyes when we only knew each other for a month.

I fell in love with the warm heart and cool menthol voice that called me at noon when I was in North Carolina, and that was the first time I ever heard your voice.

I fell in love with the big arms that hugged me in the cold and rain for the first time, after talking on the phone for a month.

I fell in love with the mouth that tasted like marlboro southern cut cigarettes and the lips that were always cold.

I fell in love with the warm brown eyes that glistened in the sun even behind ray-ban sunglasses.

I fell in love with the teeth that formed the most perfect smile when I told my cheesy lame jokes and the deep, throaty laugh that followed.

I fell in love with the N_ O'__ whom my mom loved (for a brief time) and bought me roses on my birthday.


I was in love with what you were and I was hoping that it would come back.


I know now that it's not.

I hope it breaks your heart the way that you broke mine
knowing that I am
always
going to be above you.

I hope your world falls apart much like my mind did
every time
you hear my name.