10 years ago and today: there is an
empty space at some table
non-given advices or hugs dwell in the could have been
Knots of silences forms in the throats of those as they remember the names, the moments
Soothing memories are shadowed by the present pain
We promised not to forget.
Even if desired, is impossible,
When your disappearance has impacted so many, even if they didn’t know you
Even if they can only imagine who you were among the thousands of faces lost forever that day,
They can imagine you were
someone’s daughter, or son
Someone’s father or mother,
Someone’s grandfather or grandmother,
Someone’s brother or sister,
Someone’s uncle or aunt,
Someone’s friend or significant other
They can only imagine you, as a figure
fallen within the statistics
HOWEVER,
they cannot feel what some of us felt
In the agony of resignation,
slowly accepting the crude fact
As the days went by, as we held the thinnest of hope alive
In the unconscious human belief (it can’t be happening to us)
And the eternal minutes of waiting for a
phone call, turned into hours
and the visits to strangers in hospitals hoping to see a familiar face
And the dreaded visit that confirmed our biggest fear
To hear a five year old said “I’m mad at god” because he took you away
Some of us saw our sanity crumble
As the reality presented itself
Slowly digesting it during the holidays,
Our birthdays,
Your birthday,
The births of those that you did not get to meet,
Of those that find you strange in picture.
The moments in which we imagine what you would have said
The moments in which your memories comes interrupting the conversations and creating the eternal silence…
We may never forget, but we are still
learning to live without you
Love you always