written July 10, 2013

"Your eyes were black
Not the like the pavement we used to walk along during the day hand in hand
Or the night sky that was above us as we kissed under the stars
But like the liquid pouring from the coffee ***
Warm and content
Your smile was deathly
Not like the crash we saw on the highway as we were driving home from a movie
Or the raccoon we saw lying on the side of the street
But like my cat who died in her sleep
Warm and content
Your love was overwhelming
Not like the anxiety attack I had when I lost my keys in the park
Or when we couldn't find parking at the parade
But like the excitement on your face when I gave you your present for your birthday
Warm and content
Now when you left, I was devastated
Not like the feelings you felt when you were told the unfortunate news that your aunt had passed
Or like the times you got bullied growing up
But as if you physically yanked me out of your life
Like your heart was a trap door you were trying to hold shut
And three years later, nothing's changed
These letters I reread are worse than any death because each time I read the lines you once wrote
I die over and over again for your love
How are you supposed to stay strong and stand tall when you've already fallen?
Like a back brace, you held me up
You kept every little piece of me together so I wouldn't break and fall apart but when you left
It's as if the Velcro lost its stick
And I slowly started feeling the pain in my back
Slouching and trying to catch my breath for my heart was taken away
Just like my breath was, the first time I met you
Warm and content"