Today is the first day of many that I missed school,
It is the second week into my senior year.
Today is one of many where I felt the world is just too cruel,
And telling my mom I had a migraine was the easiest thing for her to hear.

How am I supposed to tell my mother I failed myself again,
That the strength in my heart has an expiration date?
It is so ******* hard to put a smile on and pretend,
That I have myself together when all I can feel is hate.

I promised myself no boy could ever get to me,
But knowing you are sitting behind me makes me want to die.
And its amazing how self-centered you are that you can’t see,
That I no longer have the strength to try.

I promised myself I was going to break away from you,
But the only time you talk to me is when you need something from me.
And I feel like for some reason I owe you a rent that’s way overdue,
So I give in to you and I refuse myself the gift of being free.

If you are for some reason so interested in why I’ve changed,
It’s because I need my strength back and keeping you around will **** me.
I need to find myself again or I will truly become deranged,
So from now on I need to let you go and you need to let me be.

To my dearest mother I am sorry beyond words,
I know you need me to be strong for you too.
I need to be strong enough to fly against the wind like the birds,
I need to get my landing right and pull through.

But right now it is two o’clock on a Thursday,
And I have downed a little bit of the *** hidden in my closet.
It has numbed my face to the tears streaming down but I’m still thirsty,
The drops are making a sea on my bed and my face is a faucet.