It's not that I don't want to live
And find out who my wife will be
Or see my children born
And raise them to be just like me

It's not that I don't love my friends
or hate the adventures and company
They numb the pain and heartache
Even though it's temporary

I know my siblings, my parents,
grandparents, hell my whole family
will cry and weep at my funeral
and the news of "A Self Hanging"

I understand I'm not bad
I know that they love me
It's not about being hated
Or thinking I'm not worthy

I just want the pain to stop

I don't know when it started
Or what sets it off
Or why I'm weak
Or why I cry myself to sleep

I just want the pain to stop

I feel alone
I know I'm not alone but
Knowledge doesn't **** emotion

But I know what will

I raise my glass
To feel numb one more time
One more time before
I never have to feel

Ever again.