Twenty blue pills in my right hand
I should be scared but I have never been more calm
I am calm as the sea
People get confused when I say I am calm as the sea
They claim the sea is wild and free
I ask them have you ever actually watched the caressing waves on            
       the beach?
If you have and you still disagree with me you aren’t seeing the sea
You are only looking
You aren’t sitting on the rocks feeling like your insides have been            
       ripped out
You aren’t feeling your soul slip through the crack in your heart
You aren’t trying frantically trying to sew up the **** with empty  
       words strung in the air
You aren’t surrounded by people who only want to fix you so they
        can say they helped
someone in their lives
When you feel this way you come and find me
And together we will sit and watch the sea
Nicotine in the cracks of our fingers and fire in our lungs
We will hear a tune that brings memories flooding our heart
Splashing in our lungs
The memories we tried so hard to bury in the deepest chambers of
       our hearts
Now look out on the sea
You have battles raging inside you
        Leaving gashes where words come pouring out
Our blood flows black and turns into ink
The sea screams at us to come and join the rhythmic beat of its waves
        upon that beach
And you smile because all you can feel is the thud of your battle
        drums in sync with the beat of the sea and you are calm
You no longer feel empty and alone with that constant beat in your
        heart
Those blue pills remind me of those pulsating waves
They call me and say that I too can feel life pulsate through me
I too can feel waves of emotions crashing through my veins
Though I am part of a different kind of sea
I swim in a sea of pills and whisky until it consumes me
And finally I am calm as the sea.