Always coming and going—
my mind goes in and out.
White over black over white
He’s my sweet baby jesus migraine
and it hurts to feel him,
but it hurts to not feel him, once you've felt him.

He’s my sweet baby jesus migraine
I swear I can’t
concentrate on anything else
The lights go in and out and
he’s like the sun that’s
spinning, and god ******,
let the light
stay. Stay
so that I can live in it,
and not have to want. Want
all        the             time
white over black over white.

I wish I could
get rid of him altogether then, get
rid of the hi and the goodbye because
He bangs my thoughts to applesauce
And the applesauce is
spinning
like passion
all over the dizzy darkness
and I don’t see a thing
but him eating applesauce
in my head.

he is flashing lights beneath my eyelids, he’s
pulling up
in his green pill of a car, right now
To see me. This second. I got him
grinning, and there are
neon lava lamp juices in my head.

And I am warm. And it is all electric and then
He’s gone.  And again, all there is
is the dizzy darkness. And I have to
sit down
for a while and just feel
him go in and out,
white over black over white
with the hi and the goodbye,
and the
sad,
heavy
spinning.