I can't beat the anxiety
the way my joints shake even when I'm asleep
or how my skin itches to be scratched

every time I dig myself a little deeper

these summer days make me smile
and forget
I am happy, for a moment but in a breath
euphoria
gone.

I want it to stop
I want to stand still

tired of making promises
tired of making plans
tired of believing in something that will make this better

It doesn't exist
or if It does - it's too late.