I have 76 missed calls, and all of them are from you. I always find myself pressing the ignore button instead of answering. It's becoming a natural reflex. You were always good at letting people out, never letting them in and seeing who you are, and what you've become. You have drug addictions and a dark past but even I can see the beauty in you. You never would believe me when I complimented you but I swear everything I said, was all true. You had long brown hair and gorgeous cheekbones, perfectly aligned with your lips. It's been 5 months since we last spoke, and it still to this day haunts me that I could go so long without touching or kissing you or even speaking to you. I always get anxiety attacks whenever you are bought up in conversations. You always made me happy, I guess people were right when they told me to not rely on others for my happiness. When we were together I felt weightless, light but still very dangerous. We always took chances and risked our lives just for the thrill of it all. But I could've sworn as long as I was with you, I would die happily in your arms, our last whiffs of air taken in together, our last heart beats, chest to chest. But now, I feel heavy, dark and dependent. Too afraid to let anyone in and repeat the same mistakes I had with you. I still love you, and a part of me always will. After you, after us, I'am not sure of anything anymore. You're probably out getting drunk, drinking ***** like it was water.  I always wonder if I should call, but what would I say? I miss you? How's your drug program going? Have you met anyone new? I still have your fingerprints on my thigh, no one could ever touch me like you did. I miss you. I hope you're doing okay. I'm lost without you, are you lost without me? All my friends think I'm crazy, but in reality I'm just crazy about the thought of  you.