I've been happy lately
so most mornings
I wake up and it's all
sunshine and ******* rainbows.
But then a day like today
creeps in
for no apparent reason.
I awaken from restless,
terror-filled sleep,
melancholy and questioning
the worth of it all.
The penultimate question:
what's the point?
And I'm haunted
by my past escapes,
but I can't backslide.
I've come too **** far,
and that's the problem.
It would be too easy,
far too easy,
for me to get back
into those patterns.
But ****,
do they pound my head,
taunting me
in this moment of weakness.
And days like this
I question, second-guess,
criticize every ******* thing,
no matter how small,
seemingly insignificant.
I have somehow
transformed,
become worthless
in just a night's time.
And I know,
I know it's not fair
to everyone else
around me
because they get caught
in the crossfire
of my mind.
Poor things,
they hadn't a clue
this was coming.
****,
neither did I.