Jul 2014
Where has my lover gone?
Disappeared in the night
I crave to hold her close.
But for now, I will sit up.
The red numbers on the clock tick by
Sometimes minutes feel like hours,
Other times seconds.
Pain is driven into my eyes
But I do not close them.
I begin rocking back and forth
Simply for something to do.
Twirling my hair into odd styles
And trying to obtain night vision
Opening my eyes really wide.
I take out a bottle of pills
Pouring a handful out
Counting them, placing each to my lips
But for tonight
I return them to the bottle.
It’s only 4am
But I’m playing with a knife.
Tossing it in the air
Trying to catch it by the handle
In the black of the night.
Once I’m bored of that
I stare out my window
Praying for the sun to rise.
I rest my head on the pillow
And stare at the wall for an hour.
The sun is rising.
Most people wouldn't know it yet
But it has gotten slightly brighter in my room
So I take advantage and try to write by the light
But fail to see my words.
Laying back down I listen.
My kitten purring, sleeping at my side.
The fans spinning keeping the house cool
Subtle creaks of the foundation.
The dog whining in his sleep.
Oh sleep, my love,
Why do you avoid me?
I’m breaking down.
I can’t go on without you much longer.
Forgive me for avoiding naps as a child.
Is this my punishment?
To never sleep through the night?
What have I done to deserve this?
I’m going mad without you!
Can you at least give me love from another?
Somebody to stay awake with,
To comfort and hold me?
Maybe then I’ll be at peace enough to sleep.
I hear people around me use the term loosely
“Oh I didn’t sleep well last night,
I must have insomnia.”
Even as a child I didn’t sleep a full night,
You chose to stay up and use the computer.
The few times I do sleep
Are usually when I’m drugged.
I've cried from exhaustion
I've purged at night
Hoping it would make me fall asleep.
I've tried working out all day.
Pills. Teas. Working on a paper.
Nothing works.
I will keep my arms open
In hopes my lover will return.
Sleep, my savior
Come back to me.
I need you.
Disappeared in the night
I crave to hold her close.
But for now, I will sit up.
The red numbers on the clock tick by
Sometimes minutes feel like hours,
Other times seconds.
Pain is driven into my eyes
But I do not close them.
I begin rocking back and forth
Simply for something to do.
Twirling my hair into odd styles
And trying to obtain night vision
Opening my eyes really wide.
I take out a bottle of pills
Pouring a handful out
Counting them, placing each to my lips
But for tonight
I return them to the bottle.
It’s only 4am
But I’m playing with a knife.
Tossing it in the air
Trying to catch it by the handle
In the black of the night.
Once I’m bored of that
I stare out my window
Praying for the sun to rise.
I rest my head on the pillow
And stare at the wall for an hour.
The sun is rising.
Most people wouldn't know it yet
But it has gotten slightly brighter in my room
So I take advantage and try to write by the light
But fail to see my words.
Laying back down I listen.
My kitten purring, sleeping at my side.
The fans spinning keeping the house cool
Subtle creaks of the foundation.
The dog whining in his sleep.
Oh sleep, my love,
Why do you avoid me?
I’m breaking down.
I can’t go on without you much longer.
Forgive me for avoiding naps as a child.
Is this my punishment?
To never sleep through the night?
What have I done to deserve this?
I’m going mad without you!
Can you at least give me love from another?
Somebody to stay awake with,
To comfort and hold me?
Maybe then I’ll be at peace enough to sleep.
I hear people around me use the term loosely
“Oh I didn’t sleep well last night,
I must have insomnia.”
Even as a child I didn’t sleep a full night,
You chose to stay up and use the computer.
The few times I do sleep
Are usually when I’m drugged.
I've cried from exhaustion
I've purged at night
Hoping it would make me fall asleep.
I've tried working out all day.
Pills. Teas. Working on a paper.
Nothing works.
I will keep my arms open
In hopes my lover will return.
Sleep, my savior
Come back to me.
I need you.
