I cradled your heart in my hands
like a mother to her newborn.

You always said you hated doctors but
you sure knew how to make my bones feel brittle
and my heart stop dead in its tracks.

I listened to your rants just like I listened
to that CD I made you
Over and over again
Making sure everything was perfect
And it wasn't and I wasn't and I'm still not and I still thought you'd say thank you.
Then again, I also thought you'd stay.

I used to love your sweaty palms but now I'm poisoned.
They say that you grow new layers of skin in certain intervals of time
but you've seeped through my pores.
No matter how many times I come alive again
you'll always be running through my bloodstream.

You cut me with the edges of the stars I caught for you
and I bled until there was nothing left
for myself anymore.

You run laps through my daydreams and my night terrors
snatching each sliver of emotion I could possibly be feeling
Shoving it deep down into your pockets
where you know I'll never be able to reach
You don't allow me that close.

I've tried to read my palm lines but I can't
I only see your name engraved in the hand you once held tight
with intent to keep in there
just for the night.

We stayed in bed listening to our songs
but we couldn't hear over each other's heartbeats
and the sound of me praying that you would be there
when I woke up.

I should've prayed louder.