it is crazy how the ghost of you had much more to do with me than it does with you, you lingered in every move I made, I lost you but I still felt you so today I compared your memory to a mental illness and there are triggers all around me but I don't have panic attacks anymore

I haven't stopped remembering but I am realizing how masking insecurities with pretty little love letters can become toxic because every dot on every i of every "i love you" turned into a bullet that destroyed me more than it destroyed you and I can't remember if I actually loved you or had just completely lost myself because i wanted to drive off the road to see if you cared; maybe that is love but i hope it is not the kind of love that lasts forever