downtown is
a much newer scene than even
i thought it’d be - i was
prepared to be
a novice. i was prepared to be
out of place. and this was
nothing, i could handle these
old odd eyes, i just
wasn’t ready to feel so
dropped in.
but i’d drawn a diagram
of this situation,
a different specific
(god ****
i can’t hear myself think)
why am i surprised to feel
so dropped in
when i’ve drawn it?
drawn upon it?
why am i surprised
that a new brand new
situation feels
just the same as the new situations
of before, when i’ve
had so many
that i can picture the the sensation
of my brain?
i’ve made a series of green lines
on a yellow, lined piece
of paper.
i’ve meant to take it
to my shrink for months.
once,
i had it in my purse and
my guts, when i entered,
decided to shrink.
i said
i was fine, and the same,
and i started to drop
the pills that stole my sleep
onto the streets.
it’s helped,
and i’m surprised. and my brain
feels more awake than
any other time
in the past
three
years…
so.
to which part of town
do i go to
from here?