You know that feeling when you can't remember if something really happened or if you only dreamed it?
That's what it felt like the first time you said you loved me.

It happened in that fine line of time
the border
between late that night
and early the next morning
when you can't find the sun
or the moon
and the sky's a pinkish shade of blue.

On my knees
in the bathroom
too much liquor
never been sicker
my stomach coming up
through my throat
angry with me
letting me have it

You stood behind me
"shh baby" & "its okay"ing me in cooing whispers
rubbing my back
petting my hair
despite all the times I slurred my words at you
telling you to get out
thinking about how disappointed you must be

and then I heard it
and I know I was drunk
but I heard it
you said
"I love you too, Sarah. I love you too."
and you kept saying it
and I kept thinking
"This is real. She said this. Please remember this. Oh god, please remember."

I woke up the next morning
next to you
thank god, you were still there
and you asked if I remembered anything from last night
and I said I think I do
but I still wasn't sure if it really happened
and you confirmed it
and laughed
and said "of course that's the only thing you remember"
and I smiled
because that was all I needed to


*s.mndi