Jun 2014
You exist perhaps most in the waves…and I am a child come to the beach this day.
Over and over you lap the sand, foaming and roaring with joyful play.
I answer your call with a hint of caution, for the last thing roaring that I ran to was a fire and I felt the burn…yet your laughing splashes make me giddy, so I wiggle my toes closer and closer until SWISH a big wave I wasn’t expecting! Looks like you won’t let me settle for a little. As you swarm over my feet and between my toes, my fearful defenses are swept away. With a bubbly laugh I try and match your tone. I jump and dance and you catch me, smoothly slowing my feet till they reach the ground beneath…
But I could not be content in this ankle high puddle when it is just the fingertips of your breadth! Deeper, deeper I go, striding further into your wake…Suddenly I’m yanked to a stop by the second tug on my heart by fear….didn’t think my feet would disappear…I lift up my legs. Well, they are still there…I tiptoe forward, cringing with each step, unsure what it will bring, moistened sand or painful sting. A fish brushes past my leg and I fail to stifle a shudder. Now I see that the ocean is not the puddles.
While the splashing waves are you, this deeper unknown is too.
Breathing deeply I pause.
Is it worth it to stay or should I go back to what I know?
My head pounds….I turn slowly ‘round, away from the giant waves that slide across the black abyss. Behind me lies sand, static, rugged, and bare….but at least I know what’s there.
For a moment I look left, then right, then down in despair.
But alas! My feet have already made the choice. Better to brave the fear, a worthy price for substance, for depth, for you to be there with me. I begin to tread more peaceably…then start to doubt that you would harm me. Yet as each wave pounds against my frame and I feel you all around, I feel your power over me and I know that you could if you wanted to. I trust you, and again I laugh this time at your raucous jostling.
I bring my hands to my face, and drag my fingers along my chin. This is not the face it used to be. I have grown, changed. I learned to stand among your waves. Your current may have pulled me in, but here I am, a man choosing to be with you. No matter how long I look out across your waters, in tempest or in calm, their beauty never ceases to sustain me. Though even in my manhood I cannot hope to see the ocean floor, I prefer it that way. I enjoy the trust of floating…when I sink you life me back up so I can breathe again.
Yet, I gaze at you knowing that even amidst my most fervent desire to be with you, with the simplest push you could spit me right out again.
It is here that I stand, chest deep, heart deep, in your swirling sea…waiting to see…
Over and over you lap the sand, foaming and roaring with joyful play.
I answer your call with a hint of caution, for the last thing roaring that I ran to was a fire and I felt the burn…yet your laughing splashes make me giddy, so I wiggle my toes closer and closer until SWISH a big wave I wasn’t expecting! Looks like you won’t let me settle for a little. As you swarm over my feet and between my toes, my fearful defenses are swept away. With a bubbly laugh I try and match your tone. I jump and dance and you catch me, smoothly slowing my feet till they reach the ground beneath…
But I could not be content in this ankle high puddle when it is just the fingertips of your breadth! Deeper, deeper I go, striding further into your wake…Suddenly I’m yanked to a stop by the second tug on my heart by fear….didn’t think my feet would disappear…I lift up my legs. Well, they are still there…I tiptoe forward, cringing with each step, unsure what it will bring, moistened sand or painful sting. A fish brushes past my leg and I fail to stifle a shudder. Now I see that the ocean is not the puddles.
While the splashing waves are you, this deeper unknown is too.
Breathing deeply I pause.
Is it worth it to stay or should I go back to what I know?
My head pounds….I turn slowly ‘round, away from the giant waves that slide across the black abyss. Behind me lies sand, static, rugged, and bare….but at least I know what’s there.
For a moment I look left, then right, then down in despair.
But alas! My feet have already made the choice. Better to brave the fear, a worthy price for substance, for depth, for you to be there with me. I begin to tread more peaceably…then start to doubt that you would harm me. Yet as each wave pounds against my frame and I feel you all around, I feel your power over me and I know that you could if you wanted to. I trust you, and again I laugh this time at your raucous jostling.
I bring my hands to my face, and drag my fingers along my chin. This is not the face it used to be. I have grown, changed. I learned to stand among your waves. Your current may have pulled me in, but here I am, a man choosing to be with you. No matter how long I look out across your waters, in tempest or in calm, their beauty never ceases to sustain me. Though even in my manhood I cannot hope to see the ocean floor, I prefer it that way. I enjoy the trust of floating…when I sink you life me back up so I can breathe again.
Yet, I gaze at you knowing that even amidst my most fervent desire to be with you, with the simplest push you could spit me right out again.
It is here that I stand, chest deep, heart deep, in your swirling sea…waiting to see…
