May 2014
Every morning, when I rise from my bed
I let your ghost
Settle in me.
I touch the necklace I wear every day
The necklace I plan to die wearing
And whisper,
"I love you."
Because I've tried hate-
It tastes
Like bile.
I've tried hard at hate
And I just love you
Too **** much.
When I leave my house and lock the door,
I turn away and look to the sky
And I whisper,
"I love you."
Every time you cross my mind,
I say it like a prayer
Because you are gone
And I cannot pretend I don't feel it
Anyway.
I look forward and...
Life is flat, like a comic book page.
Greyscale, like a cheap newspaper.
But I will color it with your name,
With my memories of you.
I will make things grow.
I will make them solid.
I will make them mean something
By loving you.
When I leave this town,
I will touch that necklace,
And say,
"I love you."
When I leave this state,
I will stop to think of you,
Take it off and watch it glitter in the sun,
Turning, turning,
Throwing shards of silver on the dashboard of the car
And I'll think your name,
Say to it,
"I love you."
When I leave this country,
I will take a deep, steadying breath before I step onto the plane,
Look back at a ground I've never truly learned to uproot myself from
And clutch that pendant,
That charm that reminds me
That I am always yours
And a part of you
Belongs to me,
And I will say,
"I love you."
Before I go
Even if I know you will not hear it.
I will say it,
But I
Will still go,
Missing you with every step I take.
And someday, when I leave this life,
Even if I have grown old and grey never having touched you
Again,
I will leave this life
Saying
"I love you."
And you can leave me.
And you can forget me.
And you can blame me.
But you cannot
Stop me
Loving you
And you cannot keep it from my breath
From the rhythm of my steps
From the beating of my heart
From everything my fingers ever touch and create
From every morning and evening of my life.
When I think of you,
I will touch that necklace
And whisper
"I love you."
Because I know
Finally I know
It is no use not saying it
When I feel it.
I let your ghost
Settle in me.
I touch the necklace I wear every day
The necklace I plan to die wearing
And whisper,
"I love you."
Because I've tried hate-
It tastes
Like bile.
I've tried hard at hate
And I just love you
Too **** much.
When I leave my house and lock the door,
I turn away and look to the sky
And I whisper,
"I love you."
Every time you cross my mind,
I say it like a prayer
Because you are gone
And I cannot pretend I don't feel it
Anyway.
I look forward and...
Life is flat, like a comic book page.
Greyscale, like a cheap newspaper.
But I will color it with your name,
With my memories of you.
I will make things grow.
I will make them solid.
I will make them mean something
By loving you.
When I leave this town,
I will touch that necklace,
And say,
"I love you."
When I leave this state,
I will stop to think of you,
Take it off and watch it glitter in the sun,
Turning, turning,
Throwing shards of silver on the dashboard of the car
And I'll think your name,
Say to it,
"I love you."
When I leave this country,
I will take a deep, steadying breath before I step onto the plane,
Look back at a ground I've never truly learned to uproot myself from
And clutch that pendant,
That charm that reminds me
That I am always yours
And a part of you
Belongs to me,
And I will say,
"I love you."
Before I go
Even if I know you will not hear it.
I will say it,
But I
Will still go,
Missing you with every step I take.
And someday, when I leave this life,
Even if I have grown old and grey never having touched you
Again,
I will leave this life
Saying
"I love you."
And you can leave me.
And you can forget me.
And you can blame me.
But you cannot
Stop me
Loving you
And you cannot keep it from my breath
From the rhythm of my steps
From the beating of my heart
From everything my fingers ever touch and create
From every morning and evening of my life.
When I think of you,
I will touch that necklace
And whisper
"I love you."
Because I know
Finally I know
It is no use not saying it
When I feel it.
