when i was younger,
i was taught
that **** was
always
a man in an alleyway
or a drunken night out
gone desperately wrong.

i was taught
to always carry
pepper spray
and to always cover up
incase a boy took it the wrong way.

i was taught
that i am safe with a girl,
even if some higher being condemns it,
because they are not capable
of being monsters.

i was never taught this could happen to me.

i was never taught
that maybe
just maybe
**** is
a sober sunday afternoon
with your girlfriend
that just went desperately wrong.

i was never taught
that "no"
was still an acceptable answer
to the one
you were supposed to love.

i was never taught
that getting out was a good idea,
even with her threats of suicide
and the razorblades on her windowsill.

i was never taught
that i am more
than just my abuser.