God, it feels like lately all I've done is question your ability to put my life on the straight and narrow, to make all bad things good and pure again, and with justification. I feel as if I've suffered day in and day out for things that are beyond my control and completely with your capabilities to mend.

You "gifted" me with an illness that eats away at my insides, that tears at my already faltering soul that is hardly strong enough to fight back. I am pained every day with the fear of isolation and rejection if anyone were to ever know my true self. Some days I just feel that Hell can't be any worse than this.

All I ask, all I've ever asked, is that you help me understand why I must suffer in such an unbearable way and why I must be the only one to know what it's like, why I must be alone in this. Because, God, I swear sometimes I feel that you have no idea what it's like to be me and to feel the hate that you've given me because I must hide the one thing you find so beautiful in me from the rest of the world.