Apr 2014
So, here it goes…
Had a follow-up appt today with Dr to go over some tests I had done last week, we are now 30 days post-heart attack. I go in all cheerful expecting to hear good news and yeah lets start the exercise and getting healthy!
Nope…No…NO…NO…NADA….NO….NO!!
The doctor was all, “Um, yeah, we got your test results back, and there is cause for concern.”
Wait, what??
And then I was not even expecting the next words out of his mouth…
we found several masses on the MRI.
3 in left lung,
1 in right breast,
and 1 on thyroid.
He was just so matter of fact, he was just “delivering the news.” And then he rattles off the appts I need to go get done as soon as I can and then bye, we will see you later…have a nice day. ***!
Somehow I managed to drive myself back to my house.
Crying the entire way.
My ears are ringing and I think I may ***** but I don’t. I sit down and put my head down because nothing feels real and my first thought was: I need my grandma. But my grandmother is dead so I can’t call her. I started to call a friend of mine but suddenly everything felt so loud and overwhelming I hung up before she answered. What was I going to say to her anyway – I didn’t want to sound needy and pathetic. Or afraid.
So I called DT. He knew I had been having health problems, he knew I had been having tests done, he wouldn’t be surprised to hear fear in my voice, and I didn’t know who else to call. It was the middle of the afternoon and I didn’t expect him to answer the phone anyway. I could leave him a voicemail and try to compose myself to speak coherently by the time he called me back. He answered. I tried to squeak out the words, but all I could do was cry. I don’t know how successful I was since he kept asking me to speak louder…slower. Finally I told him that I would email him and we hung up.
It’s funny, as I write this now, tears welling in my eyes, it feels as though I am reliving it again. You never know the day your world will change forever, it’s a day that starts out as any other day; you get up, tired from not getting enough sleep, shower quickly, get dress, head off to school. You hang with friends…I mean it’s a beautiful spring day. You make plans for the summer. And then in the middle of the day, with a few words being said and your life takes a dramatic change.
I don’t know how this is all going to play out…
Hoping this is not really the end of my world as I know it.
Can I survive one more hurdle???
Had a follow-up appt today with Dr to go over some tests I had done last week, we are now 30 days post-heart attack. I go in all cheerful expecting to hear good news and yeah lets start the exercise and getting healthy!
Nope…No…NO…NO…NADA….NO….NO!!
The doctor was all, “Um, yeah, we got your test results back, and there is cause for concern.”
Wait, what??
And then I was not even expecting the next words out of his mouth…
we found several masses on the MRI.
3 in left lung,
1 in right breast,
and 1 on thyroid.
He was just so matter of fact, he was just “delivering the news.” And then he rattles off the appts I need to go get done as soon as I can and then bye, we will see you later…have a nice day. ***!
Somehow I managed to drive myself back to my house.
Crying the entire way.
My ears are ringing and I think I may ***** but I don’t. I sit down and put my head down because nothing feels real and my first thought was: I need my grandma. But my grandmother is dead so I can’t call her. I started to call a friend of mine but suddenly everything felt so loud and overwhelming I hung up before she answered. What was I going to say to her anyway – I didn’t want to sound needy and pathetic. Or afraid.
So I called DT. He knew I had been having health problems, he knew I had been having tests done, he wouldn’t be surprised to hear fear in my voice, and I didn’t know who else to call. It was the middle of the afternoon and I didn’t expect him to answer the phone anyway. I could leave him a voicemail and try to compose myself to speak coherently by the time he called me back. He answered. I tried to squeak out the words, but all I could do was cry. I don’t know how successful I was since he kept asking me to speak louder…slower. Finally I told him that I would email him and we hung up.
It’s funny, as I write this now, tears welling in my eyes, it feels as though I am reliving it again. You never know the day your world will change forever, it’s a day that starts out as any other day; you get up, tired from not getting enough sleep, shower quickly, get dress, head off to school. You hang with friends…I mean it’s a beautiful spring day. You make plans for the summer. And then in the middle of the day, with a few words being said and your life takes a dramatic change.
I don’t know how this is all going to play out…
Hoping this is not really the end of my world as I know it.
Can I survive one more hurdle???
