she would
crawl in bed
and tell me 
she loved me

but her eyes
were cold
and closed
like the
broken fluorescent
that gave off
blue sparks

she reminded
me of an
abandoned church

what used to be
a place
where so much
happiness and
depression
was tied together
by faith and
hope was
now a
simple reminder
of how even
the place of
seemingly
unfaltering hope
dies 

she was
a false dichotomy
of existence

always present
infinitely absent

and i could
see her
try her
hardest to
make me
feel like
she was
still alive
and trying 

but every 
word she said
was her own
eulogy