Mar 2014
I can't bear to look at her picture
I've seen it too many times
I can't take looking into her eyes
Every time I do a layer of armor
Is stripped from me and cast away
Until I am naked and exposed
My heart unshielded
From the sharp spears
It has been wrung
The grief twisted out of it
Until it has become a physical pain
My eyes have to look away
When I see her
My manly defenses are gone
I am sick and weak
And my very soul is starting to cry
I can't bear to see her picture anymore
Or hear myself say "I love you"
I've seen it too many times
I can't take looking into her eyes
Every time I do a layer of armor
Is stripped from me and cast away
Until I am naked and exposed
My heart unshielded
From the sharp spears
It has been wrung
The grief twisted out of it
Until it has become a physical pain
My eyes have to look away
When I see her
My manly defenses are gone
I am sick and weak
And my very soul is starting to cry
I can't bear to see her picture anymore
Or hear myself say "I love you"
My 28 yr. old niece died of liver failure over the Christmas holidays this year. I was raising funds for her and her family and with every Email or message, I had to tell her story and attach a picture of her in her hospital bed. After 5 days and thousands of emails, I couldn't take it anymore and had to stop. I wrote this ambiguously intentionally and will probably remove this note in the future and let it stand on it's own
