I miss how the hours passed—filled with joy, connection, and pride.
How the city night lights accompanied me home.
The routes, the journey, the walk.
How some nights were long, exhausting—
And reaching home felt like heaven-sent.
I miss the mundane, the routine.
I miss living the days I once prayed for.

Now I wait—to heal, for time,
For the days to pass and release me.
A better version—the one I’ve prayed to grow into.
How expensive it is to be deserving—
Of a better version, a better life.

I promise to do better each day.
Promise not to let this drag me down, consume me.
I promise to savor this:
A break that is a gift.
And I promise not to regret being given the chance to rest.

Learning that I, too, deserve unconditional love.
I’m thankful for this pause
And I know it will not be in vain.
Receiving love does not mean
You have to spare your bones for it.

I can smell it in the distance. This pause,
This current life I’m living.
It’s pulling me closer to a better version of me.

So now, all I do is try.
Survive.
And savour this life,
The one that’s slow,
The one that crushes you on certain days.

I promise to survive this.
In triumph.