when my friend called me in need
I said wait please don't leave
wait you are loved
wait you're enough

I could hear her pain
through the lack of a breath

people call this "traumatic
but I don't see their point
it wasn't me in the moment whos life was at risk
only me in the moment with a job to save it

I don't remember a tear though
or a racing heart
no I saved that for later

because now when I think of that phone call my eyes start to water
then my hands start to shake
and my joints start to ache

they tighten like braces
trying to pull things together, straiten things up, or help you smile

then my mind starts to race and at the same time go silent
I don't know how to describe it other than pure panick