Please do not teach grandmother
how to **** eggs, you see,
Your attitude is not her cup of tea!
It's brass monkeys outside
and I'm frozen to bits,
For crying out loud, now that is it!

"Keep your hair on!"
my brother did shout,
My knickers got twisted
as I paced about.
Everything was quite tickety-boo,
Until that old chestnut
came out of the blue!

"Oh my giddy aunt!"
I fell to my knees and cried,
The spanner was thrown,
as my plans went awry.
But when Bob's your uncle,
it will all work out fine,
With a piece of cake,
It will be sorted in no time!

I said "Put a sock in it!"
to all of the noise,
While listening the boys
argue over their toys.
Then off I went,
with a sigh and a jog,
To go and see a man about a dog.

©️Lizzie Bevis