What do we know about life? It has a beginning and end. We know the beginning, but not the end. It can be in a span of many years or a day. Does it have a meaning? Does it have a purpose? Many people put an end to their lives. We judge them. God judges them. Suicide. An unforgivable sin against nature. Against the gift of god... Life.
But what does it take for a person to break? To lose all hope? When does life become pointless, sad, empty, full of grief and they start viewing it as torture. Does it take much? Or just one thing? Humans are delicate, sensitive... We all have our fears. But what's your biggest fear? Is that what breaks those people? Some are terrified of being alone, some are terrified of failure, some shake upon the thought of dying. Me? My biggest fear? Loss. The loss of a person, a thing, anything. How much loss can I take before I break? We all know about it. Grew up preparing. First comes the loss of a favourite toy... That's how i got introduced to the feeling of grief. Then we lose something more special... Perhaps a piece of jewellery we liked and wore every day. When we grow up a bit we experience the loss of a loved one for the first time. Perhaps a grandparent? Or a distant relative? From kids we are scared of the day we will be alone. Of the day we lose our parents. We prepare for it. Every day. Every month. We grief the thought of ever losing them. Perhaps when we become Forty... Fifty? We make plans. College.. grandchildren.. life.. Is it all a lie? Is it all a pointless dream? My greatest fear is loss. I have known that. So I prepared. I was ready. Until I wasn't... The second of August 2024. The day. Next to the ocean. The day he told me. Cancer. What? One, two years until I loose him? But what about the plans we had? Was it all a lie? The small cottage and the dog? Was It just a pointless dream? I wish that day. The second of August. I wish that day had been a dream. It hurt. I thought I would stop breathing? I thought that the world was ending... But life had the audacity to continue. It hurt, until it didn't. Until my brain forgot the pain. So how much does it take to be suicidal? Maybe once is not enough. But what about the people that live on the line between life and death? The reckless once? That sit there waiting for a stronger breeze to sway them one way or the other? Are they suicidal? The ones that drive just a bit too fast? The ones that like to live on the edge? Maybe it doesn't take much to be suicidal. Maybe pulling the trigger is the hard part... Maybe... Or is it just me? What's your biggest fear? What if it happened tomorrow? Today? Can anyone prepare for that? And how much would it take for you to break? How much time until life becomes pointless... My dad is dying. And yet, it's still about me... What about him? His dreams? His fears? With what did we, he, you deserved it? Why is life torturing us? What did we do so wrong? It's all questions and no answers... Maybe one day I will understand. Maybe one day I will have the answers.
Until then... What's the thing that will turn your life into a tragedy?