and when he told me he’d **** himself if i left, a part of me believed him. a small stupid part of me, foolish, young and naive, wanted to believe that i’d meant that much that the lack of my presence would make his blood run cold, leaking into the creases of the bathroom tiles. if i left, and he killed himself. his blood would be on my hands but unlike my blood on his, this time it would be metaphorical but would feel so much worse.