How can I claim to love you with everything in me and it still not be enough
I want a love straight off the pages
For you to look at me  
To see me for everything that I am and
that I want to be and that we are
A love you cannot stop thinking about
Gaze longingly at me and know with everything
in you that I am it

Instead I beg, plead
with my eyes with my tears with my closeness
I can be ruthless  
Show you the pieces of me I keep secrets with and leave them as gifts at your altar
Hide away the longing to feel burned as your palms near my skin
Concede with bitter acceptance that I do not feel scorched in return

Perhaps it is me that is broken
Want is not enough I need
I want to feel your hum from inside my veins
I need to know you want this too

When I bring myself to peak at night
it’s not you I see
I do not crave your skin or smell or feel
I do not need your eyes to translate
words you never say
As I run a hand over my own flesh imagining
what it’s meant to feel wanted
I remember how you don’t, how you didn’t and how in spite of me knowing this you insist that you do

I have been there before, and it scared me
Enough to push the tightness away giggling
as I remind myself this is no hard cover
      That words can’t leave imprints on skin
      That touch doesn’t tingle or buzz or burn
Petrified me in place as I begged for just one more kiss with the slightest shift of my gaze to yours
      Held my breath for your consideration
      Gasped at the slightest touch of you against me
Consumed so much these days you can still hear barely above a whisper me pleading for it