My body betrayed me in ways I never thought possible I can’t eat, I can’t emote, I can’t exist Not without itching, tingling, wheezing, gasping for air I’m rapidly losing control over my life My world was already so small—and now it’s getting smaller The list of foods I can’t eat is growing as my will to keep going…shrinks Why must struggles beget even more struggles? Why can’t I be allowed to be happy? Exist in a beautifully carefree manner? My spirit screams to express but my body says no You’re not allowed All I can do is tearfully write my feelings on a page while I agonize at all I have lost and will lose I am missing out on the human experience I crave I just want to be well I want to breathe easy I want to be healed Yet I am here, in my bubble, alone Forever
This is a poem about MCAS. I’m becoming allergic to life more each day. I have to leave behind so much. I have to miss out on so much. It’s so painful to live this existence.