i lay in my bed typing this with one hand on my brand new laptop

i think it's getting bad again

i'm moving out in 19 days for college

i can't get the memories to leave me alone

my dad was the one who bought me this laptop as a gift for college

i can still feel the touches of the man who couldn't keep his hands
off of me
i will never be the same

my parents pay for EMDR therapy
it's expensive
it's not covered by insurance
i feel guilty

i feel like i ruined this family dynamic
we don't go to church anymore
church is where the man worked
church was where i suffered
the cold brick wall all the way at the back of the building
behind the pews
everyone's backs to me
as i stood in silence while
he ruined me

it's time to go to bed
maybe i'll feel better tomorrow