your friends pity me i see it in their eyes but pretend it's not there
you bring me along regardless holding hands under the table laughing alongside them and we toast to your oncoming sobriety
and i think they pitied you too knowing that you and change were fated mortal enemies starting from conception.
god buried you in the dirt when he crafted your soul; and the angels cursed you, turning the earth to marbled heliotrope:
we met in that dark prison. you whispered that everyone had given you up. so i swore to never leave. to try. to fight for us. to love.
you hold my hand for 46 seconds underneath the sputtering pools of blonde light after your narcotics anonymous meeting.
and the angels pitied me as well, turning their heads at stoplights and crosswalks like i wasn't even there.
as if i could forget or pretend that i've never seen the eyes underneath our bed at night.
btw im not tryna demonize addicts bc that's some rl hard stuff to deal with, my ex-partner just happened to suffer from addiction alongside being an absolutely awful trashbin person.