A riveting fracture
Of my current existence.
Clenching my throat,
Trying to squeeze out the dread;
The panic.

I've lost myself -
I don't know where I am, or
Where my body is.

Tense. Because
I'm trying so hard
Not to let go of myself,
Again.

"Keep straight.
Keep focused.
No.
Not like that.
Don't think 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁
About 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.
Don't be that way
About 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨.

It's okay.
Try to breathe.

You have control
Over your mind.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹
Over your mind.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹
𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱."

And it's okay
For a moment,
But the busy hands
Don't shield the silence
For long.

And through that
It comes spinning,
Entwining amongst
My conscious hardwiring.

"You are not welcome!
I don't want to believe it."

But I've been deeply imprinted
To believe
These emotional rules
Are bound to me.

So, often I break;
I give in.

The sheer loneliness
Of the thought
Consumes me.

I wait in the rain,
For when the storm dissipates,

𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯.

▪︎mica light▪︎