i always find
myself
explaining

why am i always
explaining
explaining
explaining

as if i have to justify
each little thought
any brief phrase
the slightest movement

in anticipation of being
questioned
i answer what they were
never even going to ask

am i really so used
to everyone not believing
me? that explanation
has become an impulse
that is impossible to deny


the terror of who-knows-what
creeps up my left arm until it's
weighed down by lead

it seeps into my blood and my brain
poisoning me now
communication doesn't work and then
communication doesn't work

it soaks into my bones
never letting me forget these habits i've learned
years later remembering to leech out just enough
of the remaining toxin
to keep me stuck in my old ways

stuck
explaining
explaining
explaining