I felt the weight of the world  
I woke up with warm blood in my veins
my gasp shattered the stained glass windows my heart began again, quickening
To catch up on it's time
once borrowed, twice lost

This time, a precious gift
It was beating,
like some kind of force to be reckoned with

I had been living like I was comatose,
the wishing, the earth bound spirit
the man with a lock on his broken heart
a shape shifter
we built a dungeon to haunt
fear in my love, I fell silent

I heard things, sometimes
I dreamt, a lot
And I thought I was going places
Moving,
Happening

it was all a flimsy figment, a nightmare
until I ran far, far away,
And opened my eyes for the last time,
realizing I was still alive,
realizing I always was
Thanking goddess for life support
as I was about to sleep walk off the tallest roof when the angel of sanity arrived

I'd become a ghost in his shadow
my grave was a place I was searching for four years
cause in my mind I thought I might find everyone who loved me, there

One day I gave myself a scare
my temple hopelessly bound to my sins
I was convicted
as I felt a supernova in my chest
pinprick of the arm, the plunge,
and then
the feeling of the word "die"

I swam to stand up after,
my lungs told me
they were black, sick and tired of breathing
my heart kicked
when I hadn't the breath to scream

I crawled until I caught my breath
threw my shoe box in the closet
made it down the stairs
and then knew I was okay
I wasn't sure I would ever sleep again after that

What I was sure of, was that
I was given a chance

I could not stay awake forever and wait for help
I didn't have the heart to ask
a part of me that I hate was ambivalent about living in misunderstandment
living in this world

I kept moving, finally alone
I dropped to my knees
I prayed, crying on the eve of my 22nd birthday
watching the sky from my patch of grass
I heard booming thunder
the sky was crimson and violet

Knowing this was foreshadowing
Divine intervention
I took it upon myself to make the world understand my god-forsaken storm
I stayed up all night again, screaming out
Like emergency sirens

Morning bloomed
I took a walk to a place I felt safe
they came and saved me, I was put away
There was no cake or celebration,
But finally, I fell sleep

I wish I could tell you
I've been awake ever since

However,
I have mostly drifted in and out of consciousness