Nov 2020
I met a bird once.
When I was one myself.
She was a warm beauty in the cold air.
A living sun.
A kaleidoscope of light.
I was a turbulent ocean. Unrelenting and constantly shifting.
But she made me want to be soft and gentle.
We flew.
The sun and the sea.
Para Siempre. We never stopped flying.
We saw another bird. Struggling to fly.
A storm drained of energy.
I watched my sun fly to help this bird.
This storm.
And tried my best to help too.
I watched her lift him up. Fight to make him keep going.
And when he dropped for even a second she cried.
So while she held him I held her.
Until the day I realised he didn't have to fall.
He enjoyed it.
Life is easier when someone else is supporting you.
He got used to my sun beating her wings for him.
And didn't want it to ever stop.
And my sun.
My beautiful bird.
Was too afraid of what would happen if she let go for even a second.
Afraid he would drop.
Her eyes were on him because what if he fell when she wasn't looking?
I wish she looked back to realise I wasn't keeping up.
I wish she would let herself see that her sea was falling behind.
The fear that kept her with that storm.
When you don't fight something.
When you don't force it away.
It becomes a part of you.
It ceased from being about stopping him from falling.
She forgot why she cared and only remembered that she was there.
She never looked back.
But I think she looked down.
I think she noticed that she had stopped keeping the storm up.
I think that, from where I flew far behind,
I saw her look down.
And see that she had started to fall too.
My sun was being swallowed into a storm.
And was falling.
What can the sea do to a storm and the sun?
It can only watch.
The sea isn't perfect.
When it is in turmoil it will be scary and it makes mistakes.
And there is no words that can apologise for that.
But what throws the ocean into turmoil?
Hey Ifiot? I'm sure in the eye of a storm it is beautiful. I'm sure in the eye of the storm its hard to remember the damage a storm can do to the world.
To the ocean.
But remember that where you are is in the eye of it. In the centre of it.
I hope that when my beautiful sun bird looks around that she sees the damage the storm has done.
And does not become afraid to leave the eye of it.
Because her ocean will always love her.
And the only way that it is not a tidal wave of fury.
Is the gentle dream that they will fly together again.
Para Siempre.
When I was one myself.
She was a warm beauty in the cold air.
A living sun.
A kaleidoscope of light.
I was a turbulent ocean. Unrelenting and constantly shifting.
But she made me want to be soft and gentle.
We flew.
The sun and the sea.
Para Siempre. We never stopped flying.
We saw another bird. Struggling to fly.
A storm drained of energy.
I watched my sun fly to help this bird.
This storm.
And tried my best to help too.
I watched her lift him up. Fight to make him keep going.
And when he dropped for even a second she cried.
So while she held him I held her.
Until the day I realised he didn't have to fall.
He enjoyed it.
Life is easier when someone else is supporting you.
He got used to my sun beating her wings for him.
And didn't want it to ever stop.
And my sun.
My beautiful bird.
Was too afraid of what would happen if she let go for even a second.
Afraid he would drop.
Her eyes were on him because what if he fell when she wasn't looking?
I wish she looked back to realise I wasn't keeping up.
I wish she would let herself see that her sea was falling behind.
The fear that kept her with that storm.
When you don't fight something.
When you don't force it away.
It becomes a part of you.
It ceased from being about stopping him from falling.
She forgot why she cared and only remembered that she was there.
She never looked back.
But I think she looked down.
I think she noticed that she had stopped keeping the storm up.
I think that, from where I flew far behind,
I saw her look down.
And see that she had started to fall too.
My sun was being swallowed into a storm.
And was falling.
What can the sea do to a storm and the sun?
It can only watch.
The sea isn't perfect.
When it is in turmoil it will be scary and it makes mistakes.
And there is no words that can apologise for that.
But what throws the ocean into turmoil?
Hey Ifiot? I'm sure in the eye of a storm it is beautiful. I'm sure in the eye of the storm its hard to remember the damage a storm can do to the world.
To the ocean.
But remember that where you are is in the eye of it. In the centre of it.
I hope that when my beautiful sun bird looks around that she sees the damage the storm has done.
And does not become afraid to leave the eye of it.
Because her ocean will always love her.
And the only way that it is not a tidal wave of fury.
Is the gentle dream that they will fly together again.
Para Siempre.
Ew gross.
See I wrote an apology to whoever for some odd reason ever reads this. Because Lordy lord is that some melodramatic stuff.
But at the end of the day despite how much I know that what I am feeling is being felt by every other person on the planet at some point (I hope, if not then I have some serious questions you *******!) but at the end of the day I'm only human.
I. Am. Only. Human.
That's important.
I am not perfect.
Yeah I'm being melodramatic.
So what? I'm only human.
Yeah I have made mistakes.
But at least the decisions I made, although wrong and inexcusable.
Where not made with ill intent.
They were done out of fear.
Out of love.
Cause that's what it has always been about.
I'm a stubborn person. Especially when it's something worth fighting for. You have always been worth it. My Kaleidoscope. My beautiful Sun bird.
See I wrote an apology to whoever for some odd reason ever reads this. Because Lordy lord is that some melodramatic stuff.
But at the end of the day despite how much I know that what I am feeling is being felt by every other person on the planet at some point (I hope, if not then I have some serious questions you *******!) but at the end of the day I'm only human.
I. Am. Only. Human.
That's important.
I am not perfect.
Yeah I'm being melodramatic.
So what? I'm only human.
Yeah I have made mistakes.
But at least the decisions I made, although wrong and inexcusable.
Where not made with ill intent.
They were done out of fear.
Out of love.
Cause that's what it has always been about.
I'm a stubborn person. Especially when it's something worth fighting for. You have always been worth it. My Kaleidoscope. My beautiful Sun bird.
