I had to let you go,
you, who had reminded me how to love
you, who had made me feel things for the first time in a long time
you, whose presence had made me see colours again.

I had to let you go,
you, for whom I would wake up early in the morning
you, for whom I would put a mask on
you, for whom I would run an extra mile in somebody else's perfect body

But I had to let you go,
because despite everything, I would still be at fault
because despite everything, I would always  have to keep trying
because despite everything, I would never be enough

So I had to let you go,
because how could I ever be enough?
when you went for the skies, I went for the oceans
when you went for the calm, I went for the storms
when you went for the sunshine, I went for the shadow

So I had to let you go,
while I still remember how to breathe
while I still smell the flowers
while I still have myself

So I let you go,
someone, to whom I made a promise not to leave
someone, to whom I vowed to never intentionally hurt
someone, with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my days

but then you grabbed my hands,
looked at me with disbelief,
with tears flooding your eyes, you whispered,

"how could you?"