I am not here
an old friend is waiting in my place
taking messages

I lie in bed and ask
where are you?
(I'm seeking myself)
all I hear back is
Not here.
Not here.

I try to remember
when I last felt like me
when my life felt mine
not foreign
I can remember tremendous pain
and since then
time has passed
without me in it

Separated for
hundreds of days and nights
where I am nowhere at all
I wonder, do I sometimes wake up in this world
this new life
and look around
before retreating again
retreat into the dark

I am floating
not here
not anywhere
I am not alive but I am
there is no root
there is no path back
there is no return at all
Only forward

My rebirth has taken 9 months.