i take a stroll through a concrete fuzz of grey and gray
it seems so surreal to me to even breathe
i live in a dream where my feet move themselves
as my arms clench onto the bed
grasping sheets that protect me from no ghosts
no shadow people or monsters
because they crawl under them when i cry myself to sleep
i see so many faces
morphing changing
man to woman to someone
i fear recognition
i fear being nobody
the breeze is only temperature
pressure is an illusion
little children prancing through the mildew grass
what is green grass and
what are blue skies
what are happy smiles
when i'm not even frightened to die
spiraling in and out of control
i am a video edited
by my drugs
they insert transitions into my existence
fade effects and pretty overlays
i crave them like candy store kids
i envy them
i want to wear their shell
and experience their lust for growing old
so that i can reverse it
and back this car up into the walgreens
and stumble out with opal eyes
wider than how i spread my thighs
for personalities that are not mine
i want to french kiss a gun
and pull the bullets out with my tongue
and tie the metal into cherry knots
i want to see all the colors
and feel all the love for myself
that i don't have sober
i yearn to create solutions for all my mistakes
and accept that they got me to where i am now
keep pushing
so that the rest of my body moves with my feet
and my soul no longer stays in place