Night after night
in echo-less jars my screams trapping
one after the other counting
on a shelf of shame storing

By the threads of realisations
Suffocating

Wondering
How did it go that far?

My screams trapping in jars
Scared the truth will come out

The truth of you
of my ignorance
of my wasted IQ scores
of how self-love in chapter number 6 was retracted
on how my own voice MUTED
My identity ERASED
For yours to be written as the main character of an abusive ****** mystery

The ****** of my pride
I witnessed

18 months
In your dungeon of lies trapped
Willingly...
Or Not

Nailed down by my own traumas
to a ground of your dismissiveness
nailed down under your feet
for your validation begging
in drought living
waiting for the mercy of the sporadic showers of love bombs

I didn't know I can be broken that many times
till I met you
Like a shapeshifter, 206 bones I broke
In the name of your entertainment

Consistently strained by the:
you’re not good enough
consciously thinking you'll change
unconsciously thinking that's All I deserve

And that's what scientists call submission
Submission to your mental manipulative ways

In disgust I dwell
Ashamed for being a fool
Or Not

By my own wounded child
strapped to the bed sheets that consistently
warned me about you
how every time you gently kissed me goodbye
choosing to leave me doubting myself worth
wondering how can I ever be good enough for you to stay

Yet I called you back
Willingly
or Not

Remember how
in milk and honey each insult you dipped
How in 50 roses your derogatory pet names you carefully hid

Your chains you weld tighter
After each breakup

Unconsciously it's whatever you want
it's every yes where it was supposed to be no
in pain you left me for days
only to come back for more

In pain I lived willingly
Or Not

My only crime that I was Desperate to be Loved