I had never felt so carefree as
laughter and alcohol soaked the air
and the bass pumped through my veins

I wish I hadn’t gone to the party.

You took advantage of my uncontrollable giggles
my red cheeks and wobbly walk
and I felt invincible, hidden under a blanket of ***

I wish I hadn’t drunk so much.

Your lips crashed onto mine like the waves beside us
and my ability to say no was lost at sea
“What happens in Fiji stays in Fiji”, right?

I wish I had pushed you off me.

Your hand on my arm you pull me away
the cubicle is small and I’m drunk
and you rip off my underwear and shorts

I wish I could have said no.

Just like that I am changed forever
your grunts poison my being
my body violated and used

I wish I didn’t just lay there.

Bugs flutter around the light on the ceiling
so fixated on it, just like I on them
as I try to seperate my thoughts from what is happening to me

I wish I’d said stop sooner.

Your hand grabs the back of my head and forces me onto you
I do as you make me,
for what other choice did I have?

I wish I had been stronger.

“That’s enough” I say eventually
but the damage is done
you have used me like an object and ruined the girl I once was

I am left to pick up the pieces
after you have seen me in my most naked state
I am the one left to suffer as you go on unharmed

I wish I hadn’t gone to the party.