there is an ache that shutters down my spine and keeps my chest heavy. there are non-existent stones in my coat pocket. i know they are not real. yet they feel more real than anything i have ever held in my life. sometimes i file through my stones in my coat pocket. in search of an answer of why my body is so heavy with dread. i never really find an answer. maybe i'll find the answers in the bottom of the city lake. it is unknown if others ever found their answers. but maybe, they found their peace. and that is an eluding enough risk. i'll take a short walk with my stones shoved deep into my pockets. i might even swallow a few.