I feel alone in a way no one else seems to be
Despite me knowing that everyone else, too, is alone
I'm so certain I was never meant to have someone
hold me through my pain
it hurts to
even think about it half the time
I want to scream
I want to tear something to pieces
my frustration leads to fingers
tearing at my own heart
and sabotaging everything I hold dear
I've went to therapy
I take medicine
and I'm still in the same place I was before
frustrated and angry
and inexplicably sad
I can't seem to find that person in my life to take it all away, just like the movies and books
and what Mom has always told me
and I hate to admit
that I knew the whole time I hoped
for this person to arrive
that I knew it wasn't true
that I was just lying
I've thought so hard about these things and yet
admitting this weakness to myself is hard just in itself.
Acting on it would be useless now
trusting people
I've found
is more difficult today