I am not Shawn
I have ceased to be
And am instead
What you see now
When you see me

I am not Shawn
I am audacity
To speak my mind
To speak my feelings
To speak my truth
Yet ****** by all three

I am not Shawn
I am lunacy
My thoughts and logics
Played down or dismissed
In lieu of the only truth
Allowed to support another's reality

I am not Shawn
I am infidelity
Years ago guilty of this crime
But living today like yesterday
Is the present and
I need reminders of my culpability

I am not Shawn
I am cruelty
A now tolerated trespasser
To peace in a home
Built on hurt pride and offenses
Enumerated and idolized meticulously

I am not Shawn
I am the vocabulary
Of confused words
And claimed miscommunication
On one hand, suggested intelligence
But in conflict only ignorant inadequacy

I am not Shawn
I am expectancy
Placed uncomfortably
Into an imploring posture
As I seek morsels of golden attention
Choosing my words ever so carefully

I am not Shawn
I am a mockery
Whose tears have a faucet
And whose humility
Is reserved for moments
Of game playing and emotional treachery

I am not Shawn
I am mystery
It's suggested I'm harmfully hiding
That which oneness should know & see
When in fact it's the fault of judgment
He too hides within feigned transparency

I am not Shawn
I am fragility
Painted weak
Old and forgetful
Glances at my softening frame
Constant jokes of reverie

I am not Shawn
I am improbability
Haven't consistently grown
In areas of others' choosing
Not my own. Left to get it
Together spiritually, eventually...maybe.

I am not Shawn
I am hypocrisy
For blameless one may live
If the same offense may be found
In the person claiming offense
The mirror not inward facing but outwardly

I am not Shawn
I am an apology
For all the many actions
And faulty statements
Which so quickly offend the same one
Less prone to act just as responsibly

I am not Shawn
I am an enemy
Pushed away
Constantly distanced
An outsider and forced partner
In this abandonment dance and fantasy

I am not Shawn
I am make-believe
Merely an actress given a script
Fashioned of lines another prepares
For me

For I am not Shawn

You have given me a new name...

History