I didn’t realize how bad I had gotten, how much the depression had truly taken over my life.  No matter how bad things get, the human mind can get used to anything and deem it as “normal” without a hint of irrationality.  Repetition, that is all that it takes to slip further and further away.  

Something happened yesterday though, that broke through everything and sent those misguided walls crashing down.

I laughed.

I laughed without thinking about it. I laughed without worrying that I was doing it too loud, or that I wasn’t putting the right hint of sincerity behind it.  I laughed because in that moment I was happy, and that most rational of human responses felt alien.

I laughed, and the laughter was heart warming but also heart breaking at the same time.

It felt nostalgic.  

Being happy and having a proper human response brought on memories when I used to do it every day, and the memories where so far removed they were.......nostalgic.

I guess you never really know how sick you have become until you start to get better.
I think I’ll try it again today.