I never had a chance, you see some people has it easy, so easy it flows like a river. And then you have those where luck is not on their side. It baffles me to see the amount of times I came so close and it slip through my hands. As I go forward the trail of bodies left in the path behind me, I should feel disgusted maybe ashamed but all I feel is numbness. I don't how it became this bad, so bad that when I scream there’s no sound, no one can hear me, no one sees me, all they know is what they want to know. It’s easier if I don’t get to close, it’s easier if they hate me after they've loved me. Why can't I reciprocate it why is it so hard to give it back, sometimes I want to, but I just can’t. The fear I have it's so immense drowning me and dragging me all the way to the bottom and for some reason, I feel comfort there. Why do I end up in the arms of pain I know it doesn't love me, but I go back anyways. I love the bittersweet taste it gives me knowing it’s just temporary and then I will be empty again. I love the ride and despair it puts me through because then I don’t have to feel I just enjoy being alone. You think I want to be this way; I feel you judging me, you think I want to hurt people what happened to the people who hurt me? The people who I was supposed to trust but they left me all alone, everyone leaves they never fight for me they just leave. So yes, I'm that pretty rose they pick, admire and when my thorns ***** their fingers they throw me down and stomp on me. They don't like the pain; they don’t like the blood, but I'm used to it dripping out my wounds. Funny isn't it when I do try the universe says no, there is no way of winning. Maybe I'm just good for one night and easy times or maybe is karma for all the sins I've done in the past. I don’t even know if I have a heart anymore, I don't even know who I am. I try and try and honestly I don’t care anymore, they will only start caring when you're gone. I want to love someone where I can be in their arms and be safe because I don’t feel safe especially with me. I'm fighting every day just to live, I want to cry, but I don't remember how, how do you forget to cry? I don’t even remember how to feel I don't want to be here anymore please someone find me, help me, please. It’s getting too much it's really hard to swallow I can feel my throat closing up. I hate who I see in the mirror, is this really me? No wonder they leave I'm not good enough, so why do I exist? oh yeah to fulfill some desires and be a punching bag to others. They don’t see me, and I know they never will so all I have is me and only me.