what must i do to freely fall
as i did when i was young
(young. i am still young. why do i feel so old?)

how can i feel the giddy joy
i felt as a little girl
where can i find the fluttering butterflies
that used to appear in my stomach

why can’t i find the thrill of love
the thrill of lust
the thrill of new relationships
how has it become mundane?

are my days of young love over?
barely twenty, and already not able to find that youthful joy

i am still young
but where has my youth gone?

yes, all my hair is brown
and not one wrinkle adorns my skin
but i am
tired

i am tired in a way that does not feel young
i’m tired in a way that i should not feel
i am barely twenty years old
where has my youth gone?

i feel i’ve lived a hundred years
dog years
mayfly years
where has my youth gone?

when i was young
(i am still young)
i inhaled books like they were oxygen
i read books upon books
five books per day
five hundred pages per book
where has my ability to inhale literature gone?
i still love to read
i do
but why can’t i do it the way i used to?

where has my youth gone?
barely twenty years old and already complaining about the weather and asking for help understanding social media

i wish i could care less
about my image
about my body
the way i did
when i was young